I like mysteries. I like the way they pull me into another world and make me experience the rare emotions, leaving me completely in awe of HIS creativeness and wisdom. I leave this contemporary world to take off for a journey to a world I’m yet to discover; yet I’m never fully there. I’m always somewhere in the middle, tangled in infinite “how-s and why-s”. But this feeling never saddens me, it rather makes me feel alive and liberated in my thoughts. I rarely reach at the end but it always takes me away from the beginning. I am never lost; I’m just a traveler exploring the barely touched land. Sometimes I wonder if there is even a destination or not? May be it was always about the journey. Maybe God created travellers and not seekers. Maybe the destination is virtual and the journey is real. Maybe all our lives we are ignorantly seeking a virtuality that is never destined to enter realism- just a thought. Oh! Such is the mystery of nature, mate, it shall pull you into it but it never drowns and kills you.
As I hear thunder from the ever so dark room of mine, it makes me run outside to witness the change in the transient summer sky. I get up from my bed, with mobile in my hand with his text still flashing on its screen and run bare feet to my porch.
I look into nature’s eyes and somehow the subtle, soft and harmless clouds that float aimlessly beneath the sky, bowing to the sun and wind as they wander seem to be in control. I like the change. I wonder what made them so fierce and mighty that even the invincible sun chose to retire and hide. As they roar and strike and wage a war, nature seems to howl in response. The zephyr changed into a storm trying to uproot the stubborn trees. They scratch, they struggle, they rebel and they fight but they don’t leave the place. They stay right there, in their territory. The echoes of their cry fill the nature and make me shiver. I clench hard at my cell phone with his message still flashing on its screen, unanswered he remains.
As the mysterious clouds collide and their hidden power comes to light, the world witnesses the pounding peals, unknown and confused about how to react to this strange behaviour of the nature’s ethereal ward. It had been calm for too long, why wasn’t this outburst then expected. It seemed so serene and indifferent, like it was born out of Lethe. What made him change? What pushed him? Can the lamb indeed be a tiger in disguise? Or is it the other way round? The lightning falls down and I wonder who the victim of this unknown war is? The pain of this strange being is alerting.
I believe there are two lives in each living being. One takes refuge in another, one is concealed by another, and this is the one that we don’t see. This one is a war zone; it’s too vulnerable to be exposed but when it does it leaves the perceivers utterly in loss and confusion. It’s a life beyond anyone’s wildest imagination.
I had been contemplating about what to do now- break off with him and forsake everything that we have built in the last few months, or give it a chance and strike for a future I can barely see. There was a war inside me and I was witnessing one around me. I tore my sight from the venting clouds and took a glance at my screen. I ignored his unanswered text and looked at this display picture. He seems just fine in that. But deep down I knew he was so far away from it. He is the endless ocean that I am trying hard not to drown into. He pulls me in a way that I can’t push him way. He seems calm and serene. He seems cold. He moves around like my aimless cloud, indifferent and weak; provoking the same feeling of awe and wonder towards our Creator. He’s a mystery I would like to get lost into, but what if I get tangled up to a point where it would strangulate me?
I hear a loud thunder that almost makes me drop my phone and miss a beat. But to my thoughts they are mere knells marking the end of service and departure of my thoughts. The impatient cloud asks for my attention and I willingly take it always from the face on my screen and give it to the seeker. Finally I see the anger and frustration change into something I can’t put a name to. And it falls apart and cries its heart out into the oblivious universe, some unknown to his story rejoice and dance in his pain, much like my lover’s tale who is still waiting for my reply. I wonder if the world would ever understand the outburst and anger of my cloud- the reason of it still being a mystery I must say- but still? And I wonder if anyone will ever see the pain and insecurities that my mate hides, when he will have his outburst. Or will they be ignorant even then and misunderstand him for his much provoked rebellion?
Why do they even wait so long to feel heavy, the thought just came and lingered around but then, who can answer the abstract Creator.
The pattering of the rain hushed the sound of my incoming ringtone and I have no idea about when he called me. Am I ready for it? We just had our first fight, I’m still hurting and I’m still confused. But as I saw the children making boats to set afloat in the running water and the couple getting cozy to revive their romance, my sympathy goes to the clouds while my lover claims my empathy. I get up to save myself from the raindrops that the wind now carries in my direction and walk back to my room as involuntarily my finger finds its way to the call back option.