I see you

I see you through the slit between

The locked door and this floor.

I see you with her.

Hands around her tiny waist

And tongue inside her filthy mouth.

I see you there;

Right outside the door-

The other side of door,

The side away from me. Ignoring my cries

Ignoring my love. Ignoring me.

I see you.

I see you.

I see you.

I see the sole of your shoe

Under which you crushed my ego,

And any sense of self I had managed to develop

After my father betrayed and left like you

All those decades ago.

I have licked dust out of your dirty feet.

I have seen you through the window of my soul.

For exactly what I ever wanted somebody to be.

I made you up in my mind,

And you played the part too well, for a while-

Or perhaps I was just blind.

But now I can see, and I see you.

You locked me inside a room of my own-

A place that has no exit. Just a door.

But I can’t open it. You stand outside;

You stand with her. I can see.

I can see her heels. The ones with which she punctured

My scarred heart that you blew up with your lies.

I am bleeding here. Now gashes on my heart

Are worn on my arms, with regret and pride.

And as my blood slips through the narrow

Exit between the door and the floor

My squinting eyes see you move.

 

I see you move towards her.

I see you move away from me

I feel me move away from me.

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