What do I do with this underlying sadness
That flows under my skin?
Like the water under the ground
Unseen, but always there.
No matter how many times I pump it out
Life finds a way to keep filling it up.
Ain’t this life too ironical?
I have waited for the heroes in cape
Or just some big miracle or life altering moment.
But at the end of the day
All I needed were two small white pills.
Not to uproot the sadness but to facilitate
They say it easy to breathe.
But I have never felt that way.
Sadness like long icy fingers
Has fisted around my lungs,
Compressing its walls, limiting my life.
Roots of discontent have penetrated
Deep in my heart; Entangling with every vessel.
So that every time that my heart pumps
More sadness and guilt flows into veins
And hypnotizes my brain
“Why can’t you be just happy”
Why can’t the sadness just condense into tears
And rain down one and for all?
Leaving my life bare and clear
Of all that obstructs my vision.
Every time that I try to fall in love with the mirror
Memories shoot me with echoes of the past
My eyes have turned blind from the sight of me
The same sight of me,
Hollow sockets where eyes were meant to be
And lips that hang awkwardly above my chin
A body that refuses to grow
“you are nothing more than a sucked out mango peel”
Good for nothing anymore/
Is there a reason to feel so?
The answer is no.
I have always been so,
It’s no longer a part of me
As much as I am an extension of it.
Will I be anything more than this?
More than the self I have come to hate?
Will I ever be anything more
Than a sorry wreckage of nothing good?
This sadness hangs heavily in the room
(The one that has just a one-way door)
Like that albatross around the weak man’s neck.
It becomes heavy with every passing moment
Pulling me down, pushing me right towards
the arms of the grave.