What do I do with this underlying sadness

That flows under my skin?

Like the water under the ground

Unseen, but always there.

No matter how many times I pump it out

Life finds a way to keep filling it up.

 

Ain’t this life too ironical?

I have waited for the heroes in cape

Or just some big miracle or life altering moment.

But at the end of the day

All I needed were two small white pills.

Not to uproot the sadness but to facilitate

Easy accommodation.

 

They say it easy to breathe.

But I have never felt that way.

Sadness like long icy fingers

Has fisted around my lungs,

Compressing its walls, limiting my life.

Roots of discontent have penetrated

Deep in my heart; Entangling with every vessel.

 

So that every time that my heart pumps

More sadness and guilt flows into veins

And hypnotizes my brain

“Why can’t you be just happy”

Why can’t the sadness just condense into tears

And rain down one and for all?

Leaving my life bare and clear

Of all that obstructs my vision.

 

Every time that I try to fall in love with the mirror

Memories shoot me with echoes of the past

My eyes have turned blind from the sight of me

The same sight of me,

Hollow sockets where eyes were meant to be

And lips that hang awkwardly above my chin

A body that refuses to grow

“you are nothing more than a sucked out mango peel”

Good for nothing anymore/

 

Is there a reason to feel so?

The answer is no.

I have always been so,

It’s no longer a part of me

As much as I am an extension of it.

Will I be anything more than this?

More than the self I have come to hate?

Will I ever be anything more

Than a sorry wreckage of nothing good?

 

This sadness hangs heavily in the room

(The one that has just a one-way door)

Like that albatross around the weak man’s neck.

It becomes heavy with every passing moment

Pulling me down, pushing me right towards

the arms of the grave.

Advertisements